Let’s face it, the wedding planning process is geared toward the female psyche. Why else would there be so much emphasis on the elements of colors, flowers, emotions, fashion and cake? (Okay, maybe the guys can embrace the cake idea, but forget the rest!)
If you’re one of those lucky gals whose fiancé wants to have input on everything from choosing linens to the height of the heel on your pump, then read no further. Give your honey his wedding to-do list and go get a manicure. If you’d like your Price Charming a little more involved, however, then try the following.
1. Ask yourself why you want your fiancé involved. Is it because you feel it demonstrates how much he loves you, or simply because the task overwhelms you and you want help? The answer to this question will determine how you will ask your fiancé to be involved. Is it important to you that he have input into which photographer you choose or would you rather his assistance be in a more detailed-oriented realm (like picking people up at the airport or making sure all the vendors are paid on time)?
2. Keep your wedding planning conversations with him brief. He probably wants to be involved, but an hour of debating the merits of freesias or daisies in your bouquet will have his eyes glazing over. When his input is desired, keep the chat to 15 minutes. If nothing is resolved, bring the topic to the table the next day. If nothing else, you’ll wear him down from sheer tenacity.
3. At the beginning of the planning process, ask him which aspects of the planning he wants to be in charge of. This will allow him to select areas that interest him (saying selecting a DJ verses choosing cutsie wedding favors).
4. Get him involved in the selection of food and alcoholic beverages. If you make a “date” out of tastings, he’ll be happy to go along. And the old adage is still true–the way to a man’s heart (or at least keeping his interest) is through his stomach.
5. Narrow down his choices to two or three before asking for his input. Present him with any more choices of photographers and his eyes will glaze over looking at all the samples.
6. Whatever you do, ALWAYS give him say in his wedding day attire. No matter how reluctant he is to participate in the other aspects of wedding planning, more than likely he’s going to balk at you telling him what to wear.
7. If he tells you to simply delegate some vendors/tasks to him, then do so willingly, but be sure you give him ones that align with his interests. If he’s like most men, he’ll be more invested in looking for the DJ, wedding-day transportation, arranging the rehearsal dinner and tuxes than shopping for flower girl dresses. Most guys will want to have a say in their honeymoon destination, so you might want to have him come up with options for that too.
8. Let him know you value his opinion. He just wants you to be happy, and he may think that the way to make that happen is to defer to you on all of the decisions. If you tell him that’s not the blessing he imagines it to be and that you’re excited to have his input, then he’ll be more prone to offer it. Caveat to this: you’re going to need to listen to his input and honor his suggestions from time to time!
9. Make it easy for him to participate. Make sure you have a mutually-agreed upon system for organizing the wedding planning so he’s not off doing one thing while you’re doing something counterproductive to it.
10. Remember to keep dating your fiancé during the wedding planning process. Sure you’re excited and maybe the wedding day is all you think about, but maybe you should relegate some of that chit chat to conversations with your mother and bridesmaids. Set aside at least one evening a week for a “No Wedding Talk” date night. He’ll be much more interested if you don’t flood him with wedding talk 24/7.
Maureen Thomson is a wedding officiant and owner of Lyssabeth’s Bay Area Wedding Officiants. Visit her websites at http://www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com or http://www.MontereyWeddingOfficiants.com
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