We recently got engaged and have been trying to start the beginning phases of planning our wedding. The thing is, he’s the one who wants the wedding, not me. I would much rather elope, but this is something that’s important to him so we are compromising. He said that he just wants to have a big party for our friends and family. I’m starting to become more ok with his plan, but its still not my first choice.
From the beginning of our engagement, he’s been pretty ignorant about how much things cost in the real world. He asked me to show him engagement rings that I would like to give him ideas. I’m not really big on flashy rings so I told him I would rather just have a nice wedding band and skip the diamond engagement ring. He insisted on the engagement ring, so I picked out some cheaper ones (in the $300 range) and he was put off by the prices and said that was in the way upper range of what he wanted to spend. So, I shopped around online for a few weeks and found a used ring that was $110 which he was OK with.
When we started talking about wedding stuff, I was telling him that I just wanted something simple and that I was appalled at the fact that the average wedding costs around $20,000 these days. He was shocked at the price and said that we wouldn’t spend that much. He has about $5000-$6000 saved up and I don’t have much at all since I’m saving up for grad school. I asked him how much he wants to spend and he said around $2000 for the reception. (We already agreed on a courthouse ceremony) He has done nothing as far as planning/looking into locations and has left it all to me. After looking around at prices for a long time I told him I didn’t know what we were going to do because there was nowhere that charged less than $2500 for the night and didn’t require a minimum catering order of around $4000. He didn’t really have anything to say about it, he basically ignored me. He also keeps saying that he thinks we’ll break even with the costs, he thinks his relatives are going to give him lot of money for wedding gifts. He has a pretty small family and knowing them, I really wouldn’t count on much. (I think he got the idea from a Vietnamese friend of ours who recently got married and got a lot of money from relatives but thats only because in his culture family member give A LOT of money, like $1000+ from each family member…) I try telling him that’s not realistic but he won’t listen to me. He also just got a new (and slightly better paying job) so he says that he’ll have more money by next year. Even though that’s true, I don’t think it will be that much more AND I think it would be irresponsible for him to blow his entire savings on one day.
Finally, yesterday I found what seemed like the best deal so far. $1500 for an awesome (but smaller) venue in a great area that allows outside catering. I told him about it and he seemed into the idea and excited about it. I did a write up of the bare minimum of what we will have to pay to show him and start getting into the actual planning. Needless to say, the costs still ended up being well over $2000 at the absolute bare minimum. He didn’t really want to look at my list at all and wouldn’t even talk about the price. He just said “I’ll pay for it, don’t worry”. I still don’t think he understands what this will add up to and I still think he’s counting on breaking even. (HA!)
How can I get him to take this more seriously and actually start planning for how much this WILL cost us? I’m getting anxious about the whole thing because I’m doing all the planning even though HE’S the one who wants the wedding. I told him this and he said he could do the planning just as easily and yet he hasn’t done anything. I’m stressing about the amount of money this is going to cost us, and I feel like its totally on my shoulders to find a way to make this happen without blowing our entire savings… (also, trying to plan something that our families will be pleased with and our friends will have fun at… we’ve been to a lot of awesome weddings lately and although its not a competition they’ve put the bar up pretty high)
Sorry for the loooong post, I just needed to vent a little because its been stressing me out a lot for the past few days.
Thanks in advance for any advice or sympathy at all 
(Please, no comments like “If you can’t even handle planning a wedding, you can’t handle marriage”. We have a wonderful relationship and I wouldn’t even be putting myself through this and bending over backwards to plan a wedding for him if he wasn’t a great partner 99% of the time.)
My manager got me an interview with a company her fiance is operating. At the interview, he and his partner made many terrible remarks. They were “joking” with each other about all kinds of things like hiring underage girls, looking up women’s skirts, getting sexual favors at massage parlors, homophobic remarks,that cheating wasn’t cheating unless she finds out, and they even said “no means maybe” and “no means yes unless she hits you with a stick.” Just really horrific comments to make to a woman, an applicant, or anyone at all. They even acknowledged that I know their fiance and wife and could tell them what they said! I’m not sure why they felt comfortable saying these things in front of me..I had told them at the beginning that I volunteer for a sexual assault hot line..I’m not sure if they were trying to make me upset or they always talk like this and are brain damaged. They are definitely morons and possibly more dangerous. I reported them to their companies website so they may lose their franchise rights. My managers fiance got fired from his last job because of a sexual harassment claim that he convinced her was a total lie. My question is, should I tell my manager what he said during that interview? They are planning on marrying this summer and she’s been really excited about all the planning and dresses and stuff…I’m not that close to her but I would want her to tell me if my boyfriend said those things..it would make me want to call of the wedding at least. I barely work for her anymore so I wouldn’t be losing out on hours or money..it would make things awkward if I still worked there but I would feel guilty not telling her. Plus if he gets fired they may have a hunch who reported them if they in fact didn’t talk to anyone else inappropriately.
I am in the USAF and she is a US Citizen that is still in the states. She is planning on visiting me in a few months, and we want to do sort of a court wedding while she is here. Is that possible? Will the legal office take care of that or not?
Thank you.
I am in the USAF and she is a US Citizen that is still in the states. She is planning on visiting me in a few months, and we want to do sort of a court wedding while she is here. Is that possible? Will the legal office take care of that or not?
Thank you.
We need some ideas for wedding decorations, party favors and such that reflects this. Any idea?
I need a song that would be good for my fiance and my soon to be sister in law. What is a good idea of songs so then I can tell her. I have one for my father/daughter dance and don’t want to leave him out of it.
Ok so I have been engaged for a year, and last year my family (mainly my mother) had some serious issues with my boyfriend, he did get a HS diploma, but refuses to go to college, and myself in the other hand I am still in college and getting my bachelors, so my mom thought he didn’t Have anything good to offer me, which I completely understand. Anyway, they worked out their issues and then HIS family stated with another issue… His sister. She is 15 and wants to constantly be around him, when they go out to the movies r the mall or other places she pretends to be his Girlfriend… Which in a way bug me very badly. I don’t think that is right, but she claims to do that to do ME a favor… anyway right after that started a whole other issue began as well, Facebook. I have an account, and His mother always tells me that I need to delete it and that I shouldn’t have any internet accounts, which I think, should be none of her business… So she puts that in my fiancés head and we argue about me having one, and then I find out his mom and sister have one too! (WTF) anyways, there was a fake account made and that person kept contacting me and telling me things (pretty much harassing me) and everything the person said would be things that only HIS family would know, I automatically thought it was his sister (and I still do think it was her) anyways once I told my fiancé that I believed it was his sister his family tried turning him against me. They told him that he is putting me first instead of putting his sister first for everything; they claimed I’m only water when they are blood. Therefore I told my fiancé to ask our church pastor what he thought was right, and the pastor said that even though we were not married yet I should come first because we are obviously getting married. Then his parents said well yea but your wedding isn’t until 2 years from now so why should she be first, when we are your family, then they began to say about I would only come first if we had a child together when we are not married (Yeah, not going to happen until after I get married) then I talked to him about starting to buy a property and start building something together for US and our (future) kids, but he went and told his mom of what I told him I wanted to start doing, and now all of the sudden they want to have a business with HIM… (BTW he has been working at their shop since he was 14… he is now 21 & they had never mentioned that to him until after I wanted to do something with him) anyway back to the whole family issue, his sister texts him talking crap about me, telling him I am a ***** a whore, you name it! & he doesn’t say anything to her because then his parents would get mad at him. He lives in an apt that we have BOTH been putting stuff in, we both cooperate in everything and all there is left to do would be me moving in, but I don’t want that until we get married. After his sister started talking about me and being a B…. to me I said I didn’t want her in the apt, because every time she would go she would use my stuff (even clothes) & idk if I’m over reacting or what it is, I’m sick of it, and if I don’t get help SOON I will be walking away from the guy I truly love..
Ok so I have been engaged for a year, and last year my family (mainly my mother) had some serious issues with my boyfriend, he did get a HS diploma, but refuses to go to college, and myself in the other hand I am still in college and getting my bachelors, so my mom thought he didn’t Have anything good to offer me, which I completely understand. Anyway, they worked out their issues and then HIS family stated with another issue… His sister. She is 15 and wants to constantly be around him, when they go out to the movies r the mall or other places she pretends to be his Girlfriend… Which in a way bug me very badly. I don’t think that is right, but she claims to do that to do ME a favor… anyway right after that started a whole other issue began as well, Facebook. I have an account, and His mother always tells me that I need to delete it and that I shouldn’t have any internet accounts, which I think, should be none of her business… So she puts that in my fiancés head and we argue about me having one, and then I find out his mom and sister have one too! (WTF) anyways, there was a fake account made and that person kept contacting me and telling me things (pretty much harassing me) and everything the person said would be things that only HIS family would know, I automatically thought it was his sister (and I still do think it was her) anyways once I told my fiancé that I believed it was his sister his family tried turning him against me. They told him that he is putting me first instead of putting his sister first for everything; they claimed I’m only water when they are blood. Therefore I told my fiancé to ask our church pastor what he thought was right, and the pastor said that even though we were not married yet I should come first because we are obviously getting married. Then his parents said well yea but your wedding isn’t until 2 years from now so why should she be first, when we are your family, then they began to say about I would only come first if we had a child together when we are not married (Yeah, not going to happen until after I get married) then I talked to him about starting to buy a property and start building something together for US and our (future) kids, but he went and told his mom of what I told him I wanted to start doing, and now all of the sudden they want to have a business with HIM… (BTW he has been working at their shop since he was 14… he is now 21 & they had never mentioned that to him until after I wanted to do something with him) anyway back to the whole family issue, his sister texts him talking crap about me, telling him I am a ***** a whore, you name it! & he doesn’t say anything to her because then his parents would get mad at him. He lives in an apt that we have BOTH been putting stuff in, we both cooperate in everything and all there is left to do would be me moving in, but I don’t want that until we get married. After his sister started talking about me and being a B…. to me I said I didn’t want her in the apt, because every time she would go she would use my stuff (even clothes) & idk if I’m over reacting or what it is, I’m sick of it, and if I don’t get help SOON I will be walking away from the guy I truly love..
Ok so I have been engaged for a year, and last year my family (mainly my mother) had some serious issues with my boyfriend, he did get a HS diploma, but refuses to go to college, and myself in the other hand I am still in college and getting my bachelors, so my mom thought he didn’t Have anything good to offer me, which I completely understand. Anyway, they worked out their issues and then HIS family stated with another issue… His sister. She is 15 and wants to constantly be around him, when they go out to the movies r the mall or other places she pretends to be his Girlfriend… Which in a way bug me very badly. I don’t think that is right, but she claims to do that to do ME a favor… anyway right after that started a whole other issue began as well, Facebook. I have an account, and His mother always tells me that I need to delete it and that I shouldn’t have any internet accounts, which I think, should be none of her business… So she puts that in my fiancés head and we argue about me having one, and then I find out his mom and sister have one too! (WTF) anyways, there was a fake account made and that person kept contacting me and telling me things (pretty much harassing me) and everything the person said would be things that only HIS family would know, I automatically thought it was his sister (and I still do think it was her) anyways once I told my fiancé that I believed it was his sister his family tried turning him against me. They told him that he is putting me first instead of putting his sister first for everything; they claimed I’m only water when they are blood. Therefore I told my fiancé to ask our church pastor what he thought was right, and the pastor said that even though we were not married yet I should come first because we are obviously getting married. Then his parents said well yea but your wedding isn’t until 2 years from now so why should she be first, when we are your family, then they began to say about I would only come first if we had a child together when we are not married (Yeah, not going to happen until after I get married) then I talked to him about starting to buy a property and start building something together for US and our (future) kids, but he went and told his mom of what I told him I wanted to start doing, and now all of the sudden they want to have a business with HIM… (BTW he has been working at their shop since he was 14… he is now 21 & they had never mentioned that to him until after I wanted to do something with him) anyway back to the whole family issue, his sister texts him talking crap about me, telling him I am a ***** a whore, you name it! & he doesn’t say anything to her because then his parents would get mad at him. He lives in an apt that we have BOTH been putting stuff in, we both cooperate in everything and all there is left to do would be me moving in, but I don’t want that until we get married. After his sister started talking about me and being a B…. to me I said I didn’t want her in the apt, because every time she would go she would use my stuff (even clothes) & idk if I’m over reacting or what it is, I’m sick of it, and if I don’t get help SOON I will be walking away from the guy I truly love..
Fiance And Family Don’t Get Along?
Tagged Under : along, don't, family, fiance
I’m going to try to sum up a very long story as briefly as possible.
My fiance and I dated for more than 8 years. By almost year 6 we got engaged. We held off on getting married because we moved across the country at the same time, so wedding plans were put off while we tried to get jobs, build a life, etc. We moved back home a year ago and were trying to get everything back on track.
My family issue –
My father cheated on my mother. My brother feuded for years with my mother as well due to his own girlfriend problems. My italian family has big time trust and control issues, I believe, because of these events. I am the youngest and when my turn came to date, etc, they were always against me and the girl.
I am headstrong and genuinely have a good girl but my mother and one brother were always against the relationship. I was “choosing her over them.” Despite their arguments, I always kept this secret from my fiance. Unfortunately since wedding talk has come up more seriously, they have taken a vocal stance against our relationship and my fiance in general. They have gone as far as being outright rude and cold to her in person now.
My problem is this:
I have no problem defending my fiance and the relationship but it also hurts to sever ties with my family. Furthermore, I feel it is sad and unfair to subject my fiance to a lifetime of their treatment (even not speaking to them at all is unfair to the sweet girl.) I have tried speaking with my mother but she is set in her ways, as most italian moms are.
The stress of the situation is becoming too much for my fiance, who is very non-confrontational and always gone out of her way to try and make a good impression with them. Wedding plans have halted because it breaks my heart to plan a wedding without key members of my family. Now Christmas is coming, which is planned to happen AT my mother’s house. My fiance doesn’t feel comfortable going, which I understand. But from my position, I am trying to get both sides to come together and work things out. I don’t know if the relationship can last otherwise, nor do I feel it is fair to my fiance to be in a dysfunctional situation like that.
In short, trying to speak nicely to my mother and brother (to fix the situation) is being viewed as ‘uncaring’, ‘wimpy’ and ‘not having my fiance’s back’. Meanwhile, severing ties with my mother and brother seems to only make the storm worse.
I could go on for pages talking about this, but hopefully you get the idea. With Christmas coming, I need to make a smart decision. (*note, I have tried to speak nicely to my family, which has yielded no positive results. Also, most of my family, aunts uncles, etc DO like my fiance very much.)
Any advice is appreciated.
