What Would U Do About This Bridesmaid?
Tagged Under : About, Bridesmaid, This, What, would
My wedding is in June, I picked out my bridesmaids dresses on January 2, 2012 and I asked all of my bridesmaids if they could have their dress deposits ($58) put down within the next 2-3 weeks. They all agreed. One girl lives an hour away so she said she would come into town the very next week Friday Jan 13th so that she and I could go together and she would put down her depoist and get fitted. So the next Wednesday rolls around and i texted her to see if i could change our appt at the bridal shop to an hour earlier and she said “hey girl idk if i can do it” so finally she says she needs more time. WHEN WAS SHE GOING TO TELL ME THAT…was she just gonna not show up to the appt…? I didnt press the subject because I dont wanna be pushy. So more time goes by and she never says anything about it so i never knew how much more time she needed. So my wedding planner calls her on February 2nd (a month later) and she says she will go get measured at a shop near her and call in her measurments on monday (yesterday 2/6) when i asked her about it she said “i spaced it, but ill def do it on Wednesday” if she does not do it by tomorrow I think I am going to let her know that I need sum 1 more reliable. all my other girls have put their deposit down and no dress will be ordered until everyones deposit is made so that they all come from the same dye lot. it takes 60 days for the dresses to come in which if we order now till be the end of april not to mention everyone needs alterations…What would u do? Im not trying to be a spoiled brat or anything I just feel like she is giving me the run around and I would like sum 1 more reliable. Also when she said she needed more time I asked if she was sure she could afford to be in the wedding and she assured me that she could do it and she really wanted to…
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I think that by wednesday afternoon if she hasn’t called you yet you should call her. If she doesn’t have the measurement then kindly explain to her that this was the deadline and you think it’ll be less stressful for everyone if she withdrew and just came along as a guest. you need to do this now because the next few months will fly by and you don’t want to worry about doing alterations days before the wedding
I just recently got married on the 11/11/11 and had a similar problem with one of my bridesmaids too. on the morning of the final fitting she decided that she did not need to be present and told her kids to tell me that she was sick! this was about 2-3 weeks before the wedding and she had been stressing me out for several months. I had had enough and told her that she was no longer in the wedding and it was smooth sailing from there.
sometimes it doesn’t matter how little you ask of others but if it is causing you stress then deal with it now, because you will have many last minute things to deal with later. I started planning my wedding 14 months before and apart from that hiccup it all went perfect!
good luck, and I hope you put yourself first here because it is your day after all.
I would tell her straight up, “It has to be Wednesday or you’re out.” But that’s because I don’t deal with irresponsible people, I get rid of them. We’re adults and if an adult can’t meet a deadline, she can find somewhere else to be a bridesmaid.
Good luck!
You sound like you’re being very reasonable about this. I agree with the other posters. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being a bridezilla. You’re being reasonable. Good luck! I hope by Wednesday she steps it up!
I’d tell her that if she doesn’t get the deposit in within a week you will be forced to find someone who can be reliable. She needs to see that procrastinating like this is stressful for you and, to put it simply, unacceptable. You need to put your foot down, and soon, because it sounds like this bridesmaid will walk all over you from now till the wedding!
She is giving you the run around. Wait until Wednesday and see what happens. If she does not do what she is supposed to do, then tell her that since she is busy and does not have the time required to be a BM, she will be welcomed as a guest instead. Tell her that it is nothing personal, simply that the deadline has come and gone and the dresses needed to be ordered, and now her dress would not be made on time.
No need to be nasty or to make accusatory remarks, simply state the facts. Tell her that you understand that is inconvenient for her being out of state and all and that you will welcome her as a guest.
No more second and third chances. People like that always have other things to do, do not have the money, do not have the time etc. Do with the ones that show interest and are actually doing what they are supposed to.
Good luck
Even though she’s being immature, you can’t just dump her yet. Part of the reason is you’ve let this go on too long, and it also sounds like you’ve been texting her and having your wedding planner talk to her. She’s supposed to be one of your best friends – call her and TALK to her.
And when you do this, be nice but much more firm than you have been. Remind her of the broken promises and the importance of getting this moving. Then you issue an ultimatum. If you don’t have the money by ____ (fill in time and date) you’re going to have to assume she’s not interested in being in your wedding.
This is different than dumping her. It puts the ball in her court and makes the choice hers.
If she gets it done, she gets it done. If she doesn’t, than she wont be in the wedding. Period. This is something that you dont even have to tell her. She knows the ball is in her court. Just give her the deadlines and move on with your other planning. Don’t move to a List B of possible bridesmaids just to fill a spot. One less bridesmaid is not going to make one bit of difference.
I hate to break the news to you but although it’s true she is procrastinating, YOUR wedding is not a priority to anyone but you and your groom.
She’s the one acting like a brat, you should definitely find someone else. She’s had plenty of time and she hadn’t given you the information – you had to chase her. This is your wedding and so should be about you and your husband. Getting rid of such an incompetent bridesmaid will mean that you worry about one less thing on the day so you should cut her loose.
Put the ball totally in her court. Tell her you know how busy she is yada, yada, blah, blah…. but the dresses are going to be ordered on and you really hope she can have her deposit and measurements in by that date because you really want her as a bridesmaid. Also, tell her that you understand and no hard feelings if she can’t but you’d like to know now if she can’t. Remind her that if she can’t get it done by this date that you’ll hate that she can’t be standing with you on your big day but you want all dresses ordered together – NO EXCEPTIONS.
Now it’s up to her. If she gets her act together then great if not then you’ll be short one bridesmaid.